September 2004 BOTM

September. Septiembre. September (the German spelling). Time once again for the BOTM committee to begin researching and submitting nominations for the award for which it was created: The Bitch of the Month.
This new Bitch, the first of the 2004-2005 school year, is not a figment of anyone's imagination. At least, we hope not because we wouldn't want to meet anyone with an imagination so twisted as to imagine the Bitch.
Incidentally, this Bitch is a first-time winner. The committee suspects that the Bitch would have won sooner, but the Bitch didn't really show up much last year.

The Bitch, therefore, is NOT a freshman. Those of you who are not figments of overstimulated imagination may breathe a collective sigh of relief. The rest of you, the imaginary ones, are just screwed.
By now, we know you're wondering WHY this bitch was selected from the ample pool of potential nominees. Allow us to proclaim this Bitch's qualifications:

1. The bitch is a foilist. While this is forgivable by itself, when combined with the other qualifications it becomes a key factor.
2. Jean shorts. While we thank all that's good and holy these are not Daisy Dukes, the Bitch is never seen without anything else - nor does anyone want to look at the Bitch's legs.
3. Recently confirmed as the Club ScapeGoat. We all know the Bitch is at fault, now the bitch can carry TWO titles. For September, anyway.
4. Shoes with no traction. For some reason the bitch treats the strip like a slip-n-slide, and we suspect the shoe issue leads into the next problem...
5. ANKLE ROLLER! Or heel roller, or foot roller, or maybe even holyroller, the BOTM committee isn't certain. We are certain, though, that there is no anklebiting. Just rolling.
6. There is NOOOOOOO #6.
7. The Bitch shares a name with the illustrious Director of Athletics. We're sorry, Mr. Director.

Therefore, with all the due pomp and circumstance due to a ceremony of this magnitude, the BOTM committee is pleased to announce that this month's object of Scorn and Derision (or at least merciful hassling) is...

JEFF MILLER!

Yes, it's scary but true. In his time at Goucher Fencing, Geoff has gone above and beyond the call of duty for one who so clearly wishes to win the honor to be named Bitch of the Month for September 2004.

Congratulations, Jeff! You are This Month's Bitch!

The BOTM award is brought to you by the BOTM committee, who are always looking for new members. It should be noted that membership in the BOTM committee does not guarantee or imply immunity to the BOTM award. May cause drowsiness, dry mouth, anxiety, certain forms of anthropomorphic psychosis and, in case of extended exposure, a mild case of death.